"I will fight no more forever"...(especially against myself)

"The path of the soldier is the wrong path because it is impossible to conquer life- the part cannot conquer the whole. Frustration and failure are absolutely certain. The soldier tries to conquer the life, and in the end finds he/she has been crushed, defeated, destroyed. Life destroys nobody, but if you fight with it, you will be destroyed by your own violence. Life is not against you. How can it be? Life is your mother. It is life that has brought you here; you are born out of it. You are a ray of it's light, a wave of its ocean. You are intrinsic and organic to it, you are not separate. The very concept of fight will poison you.The religious person is one who has no idea of separation from the whole...who never thinks, never dreams that he/she is separate...who has no private goal of his/her own..who simply moves with life in total trust. If you cannot trust life, than who are you going to trust?" (Osho, The Buddha Said..)

I was reading this excerpt and realized it is perfect for me today. I sit sneezing and coughing, blowing my nose and whining about my body's place. I have been a diligent "fighter" of this cold for 2 weeks now. I disdainfully go to bed early, drink my vitamin C "super power" dissolvable tabs, take shots of elderberry twice a day, rub menthol on my feet every night, have doubled-up on my wheat grass supplement and have now added oil of oregano to my regimen. I am ridiculous. Why am I fighting? I suck my teeth and point my finger at myself in the mirror and say "what more can I do to fight this cold?" and "why am I even sick in the first place." I scoff, stomp around my house with my hands on my hips and whine about it. I am ridiculous. It would probably just be a lot easier for me to surrender and accept my body's natural place and let go of the fighting. My strategic plan of attack really hasn't been working anyway. I am no bad ass warrior over colds, it seems. Come to think of it, I'm probably not much of an effective bad ass warrior over most things. While my ego loves to win, fighting anything in life invariably means someone loses and in the fighting, I am oppressing things versus allowing things to be...which isn't very spiritual. Accepting this illness and making a simple choice to do this or that based on what is healthy for me would likely be a lot more efficient than rising up with my vitamin C sword each morning to the 'Rocky' sound track and prepare myself for battle. The mental and emotional toll that it takes proves that I am the ultimate victim of my own fighting. This level of frustration may not be worth it anymore.

To be a soldier, I once believed, is the way of honor. This is somewhat ironic because I have been told I am a great fighter by many. I used to stick my snobby nose in the air and smile at such comments and then walk proud and powerfully..oh how the ego stroke feels nice!!! Although now I'm not entirely sure that the fighting of anything is truly rewarding. And most importantly, does the fighting really ever end? For the soldier always seeks a battle to feel purpose and meaning. The soldier needs to find a victim. The soldier will sacrifice any and all in the name of a great cause; including the self. It is becoming more and more clear to me that the way of peace and harmony is not found on a path of war. It is so much more difficult to accept and love your life and it's current circumstances than it is to reject it, blame someone and draw out your weapon. I know I have internalized this belief as it relates to others, but I have yet to apply it to myself. I realize I fight myself almost everyday about something. I wish to lay down my sword and give myself a hug instead. Acceptance and surrender breed amazing revelations of change and healing, while the outward energy of fighting takes your source of power outside of you and onto an object, person or future experience. And as we know, any source of fulfillment that is sought outside of the self will not ever be enough. It is the constant striving that pulls us away from home base and from what's really going on inside of us. We will look for more, always. I'm not sure about you, but that sounds really really exhausting. Also kind of ironic since I'm writing this and I am not practicing it these last 2 weeks. It's been sitting here, right under my sneezing, runny nose this whole time. I've missed the lesson, until now.

I offer my stumbling to you so that it may serve as support and challenge for whatever you may be fighting right now. Let us together, "fight no more forever" as Chief Joseph says, and sit in reflection at what we can accept. By accepting and surrendering, the answers will come more easily, and the awakening and satisfaction will be genuine because it will be found within. My vow for this week will be to sit in reflection of my current life place and trust my body, try to love it as much as I can, accept that it needs nurturing, and say to myself "all is well."  How can you surrender this week also? What have you been fighting?

"To understand that conflict is not the way to be happy is the greatest understanding. Understand that cooperation is the way to be blissful, and your dark night of the soul is over and the morning has come. This very understanding that cooperation is the key, not conflict, is a transforming force. Trust is the key, not doubt. Violence is not the way, but love." (Osho, The Buddha Said..)